I was a little skeptical about this taking place in first person present tense at first. I've seen a number of people try that trick over the years, and more often than not it tends to backfire on them. That's not the case here. For what you were doing, it's a smart choice, especially putting it in the perspective of an outside observer. I'm guessing he must've been some kind of servant who worked in the castle, given he made no moves to stop Galin once his disguise was discarded.
In all, very good job building up the mystery of this brief situation. You misdirected well, but also left plenty of hints to show that something was just a little bit off. There's a couple stumbling points in the pacing that could be cleaned up and I'd suggest avoiding more modern phrases like "decked out" to describe people with copious amounts of equipment or finery - bedecked is a good term to use in place of the more modern parlance - but these are pretty minor and easily fixed. Great job!
To be honest, I forgot this was first person present tense heh heh.
Thank you. I will try to not to do that in the future, and fix that when I can. I do try not to use modern sounding things, or at least, what I think of. Unfortunately in today's I couldn't find something other than "Firing an arrow" for avoiding saying "letting loose an arrow," over and over.
I was a little skeptical about this taking place in first person present tense at first. I've seen a number of people try that trick over the years, and more often than not it tends to backfire on them. That's not the case here. For what you were doing, it's a smart choice, especially putting it in the perspective of an outside observer. I'm guessing he must've been some kind of servant who worked in the castle, given he made no moves to stop Galin once his disguise was discarded.
In all, very good job building up the mystery of this brief situation. You misdirected well, but also left plenty of hints to show that something was just a little bit off. There's a couple stumbling points in the pacing that could be cleaned up and I'd suggest avoiding more modern phrases like "decked out" to describe people with copious amounts of equipment or finery - bedecked is a good term to use in place of the more modern parlance - but these are pretty minor and easily fixed. Great job!
To be honest, I forgot this was first person present tense heh heh.
Thank you. I will try to not to do that in the future, and fix that when I can. I do try not to use modern sounding things, or at least, what I think of. Unfortunately in today's I couldn't find something other than "Firing an arrow" for avoiding saying "letting loose an arrow," over and over.
I'm glad you liked it. Thank you again.